A penguin who holds the record for being the fastest flightless bird to complete his arduous winter march between the ocean and ancestral breeding grounds has admitted to using a performance-enhancing bicycle to beat other penguins to the finish line. Image by Pinxit
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Gay men have declared fracking to be ‘a bit meh’, and have chosen not to include it in their lexicon of naughty experimental sex.
‘Me and my boyfriend giggled all the way to the hardware store when we first heard about it,’ said gay man Simon Fitzpatrick. ‘When we got home with all the equipment, and we looked it up, it turned out to be quite a big feat of civil engineering that would have involved doing lots of high-pressure drilling on a Welsh hillside. I liked the big rubber trousers we were supposed to wear, but I mean, Wales. Hello?’